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Fireywind865
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Name: Lauren
Birthday: 2/21/1989
Gender: Female


Interests: i dont have any interests... isn't that sad? oh... wait, I'm interested in ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!! hahahaha fun right? okay, i'm kidding. i'm a writer, i loooove writing. it's like a way of art man! dear god, i need to minimize my sugar intake.
Expertise: I am great at advising people on issues. Therefore, I have a very active and dramatic life five days a week. I'm very good at doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING on the weekends as well. so, if you're good at that too, call me, cause maybe we can do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING together.
Occupation: Student


Message: message me
AIM: NCHNTD221


Member Since: 11/25/2003

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Sunday, December 31, 2006

Currently Listening
Through Glass
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New Years always means so much...

New Year: 2007

Number of days as a Xanga member: 1132

Number of great loves as of now: 2

Number of broken hearts: 4 times (mine) 6 times (theirs)

Number of best friends: 10

Quotes to read: October 24, 2005 xanga entry

All else will be answered in the survey below:

"Year in review" surveys for 2006 (copied from Jan. 2, 2004)


1. What did you do in 2006 that you'd never done before?
I had my longest relationship ever (14 months). I fell in love again. I fought for the past and laid it to rest. I made a true best friend. I lost friends and remade them. I became president of two clubs. I planned big events by myself with some help. I found out more about myself. I made mistakes, I made miracles, I took the ACT, the SAT, and retook the ACT, etc. I struggled with my happiness versus the happiness of others. Oh, and I got straight A's for about nine ish weeks before that went to hell. lol.



2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Not really. Though, I did work out more than usual... like, once a month lol. I am making some for next year, but they are loose. I want to work out, I want to work on myself, I want to do well in school, figure out my path in life, follow my heart, etc etc

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
I don't think so...

4. Did anyone close to you die?
I don't remember, so probably not...


5. What countries did you visit?
None, sadly. But I did go to the United World College in New Mexico which had 200 people from different countries, so it was sort of like visiting foreign countries...


6. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006?

More free time, more things for me, more focus on school and friends, more experiences, being free, maybe being single for a while, maybe getting back together with Colton. I don't know.

7. What date(s) from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
May 20th - prom 2006  

October 23rd - 1 year with Colton

  ....i don't really know what else.


8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Planning and going to the UWC, making the 1 year marker with Colton, realizing that I needed to be single for 2007 though I love Colton, being a co-president for SOAR and COLT club, etc.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Not making my relationship work with Colton, losing time for myself, losing my love of myself.


10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Yeah, probably.


11. What was the best thing you bought?
You know it's never a good thing if you can't remember. lol.


12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Margaux because of how much she's grown. And Kelly too.

Jenni for being the best friend I could ever wish for.


13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Colton's, which was part of what led to our break up, my own behavior, etc.


14. Where did most of your money go?
Candy, as always, school dances, dates, going out to dinner/lunch/breakfast... holy shit I do that too much!!

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Being with Colton, Being best friends with Jenni, leading COLT/SOAR.

16. What song will always remind you of 2006?
Baby It's Cold Outside - unknown really, Tim McGraw -Taylor Swift, Through the Glass - Stone Sour, Juicy - don't know, etc.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
Wiser? Yes, but still not entirely wise.

Healthier? Maybe a little bit.

Richer? A little money wise. But I am richer with experience and with friends and with life for sure.


18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Had more time for myself. Prioritized more.  etc.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Being busy, taking things for granted, etc.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
This next year? Or this year? I spent it with family and friends this year. Next year, who knows.


22. Did you fall in love in 2006?
Yes, one of the two greatest loves of my life so far.

23. How many one-night stands?
None. I was taken.

24. What was your favorite TV program?
I didn't end up watching a lot of T.V. I tried Desperate Housewives for a while, but fell out of watching it.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Not hate, dislike.... and probably. I don't remember.


26. What was the best book you read?
Their Eyes Were Watching God or Pride and Prejudice.


27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
I don't know.

28. What did you want and get?
 I got a lot of other things that were good. I don't know...


29. What did you want and not get?
a stereo for my car, but oh well. I will just install it myself.


30. What was your favorite film of this year?
A Very Long Engagement, which I bought. And a couple others I'm sure. Happy Feet I liked, and Ice Age 2, etc.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I was 17, we went to Red Robins then to my house for cake. Now I'm 17 going on 18. woo hoo.


32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006?
jeans, tennis shoes, t-shirts. casual, comfortable, lazy.  ...hey, 1) i didn't have time 2) i had a boyfriend, no one to impress.


33. What kept you sane?
I have no idea. Colton mostly, but I blew that one too. Colton and Jenni, hope for the future always.


34. Who did you miss?
I missed Colton. I still do. I miss my friends who graduated last year also.


35. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006.

I honestly don't know.


Tuesday, December 19, 2006

1120 days.  now look how much has changed.


Thursday, December 07, 2006

high school reflection

It's been almost a year since my last post and crazy stuff has gone on. I've changed so much and didn't want to look back, but I got nostalgic. Plus, I'm avoiding my research project. Life keeps passing me by in some cases, and in some cases, I am Life itself - living every moment, in each moment, doing all I can until all I can do is move forward, move toward the future. I've been with Colton for a year and two months, I love him, I really do. He knows almost everything about me. Except this diary, these thoughts, truths, lies, feelings... everything that ever happened that was recorded here is such a stranger to my person now, it is hard to show it to anyone and not feel some guilt, some shame, some happiness, some sort of something. I'm going to UCCS. I'm pretty sure. I think. You see, I want to - it sounds amazing, I like the school, I'll be with Colton and Jenni, my boyfriend and best friend... but what about me? What about being me? On my own? And now I'm a senior. I've had this blog for three years now... I graduate in five months. Then I'm gone. But gone where? And am I really gone? No, not really. I feel like I should have closure to so many things, but I don't...and maybe that's what these next five months should be about... closure. Debriefing everything in the experience... not cutting myself off from it, but learning how to move on AFTER it all. Sometimes I wonder what I'm giving up in life by being who I am. Going to the college I will, being with the man I love, being a leader... so thrown in to life at school. My little brother is a stranger to me. My freshman best friends are nearly the same... we were different, naive... and yet we continue to be the same. I'm a mentor (co-president) for two divisions of COLT Club now, one being SOAR. I am motivated beyond all belief and respected and loved. But sometimes I wonder if I need to put on the brakes, learn to say "no," cut back on all the work I do. And then who would I be? I am grown up. I am growing up. I don't want to leave my friends at the end of the year, even those I've grown apart from. Kelly and Margaux and I hardly talk anymore. I talk with Alyssa, but we hardly know each other still, or maybe we do. Nicole I don't hardly see or talk to. Andrew Wilkin joined the military. Charlie and his fiancee broke it off last month I heard and I am suppose to see him perhaps at the winter SOAR party. I don't mean anything by that anymore though. I came to a conclusion I could live with... and that is, despite what sorrow and my friends told me, he was never anything more than a friend who I looked up to and was attracted to. But I was so beglamoured by an admiration for him, that I confused it for feelings that weren't there. I was beglamoured by pollen, bees, and pear trees and he was Tea Cake. I had hoped for friendship, but came off probably somewhat psychotic in my naivity and immaturity and the way I handled things would not be labeled "smooth" at all. Oh well. Somehow it led me to who I am now. Somehow I am better and worse off because of it. I am looking at memories of high school and can't help but feel proud and happy, and at the same time, can't help but wonder why I made those choices... who I would be if I hadn't or if I had taken a different chance, a different risk. I don't know how else to put down everything on my mind. Maybe I will be able to say more later, maybe not... it's all too much for me to say for now...


Friday, March 24, 2006

Yay for spring break!! Other than that I'm very frustrated!! and it's ridiculous too.

So, over break Sunday and Monday I'm suppose to go down to Western State College to check it out (yes, this is charlie's school... but it's the only colorado school that offers outdoor rec, so he can be my friend or be my enemy, i don't care.) Anyway, Pat's suppose to come with me and Nate is gonna host it, but I can't reach EITHER of them to get it planned and I hate being annoying and calling people a bunch.. which I haven't for Pat, yet, but I have called Nate 3 times and will probably have to call him again later. sigh, growl. It's Friday and we're trying to pull this off two days from now... and sigh...why can't everything just fall into place in my life? This has been the most difficult week of my life, it should, technically, get easier now... but! Okay, that was my vent. I could vent about a lot of other things and people who are pissing me off more and not so ridiculously, but i'll save it for now I'm trying to keep good karma so MAYBE this will work out. God I hope so. *Crosses fingers*

GROWL.

Lauren


Saturday, March 11, 2006

DAY 837.

Beat that!

What's new? This day two years ago...

...and how much has changed, and how much hasn't.

from an entry a year ago:

"I'm being crazy. That's what I'm doing. Why am I starring so long at this closed door?

It was a wonderful door though..."

THE END!

-love-

lauren



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